Sunday, July 10, 2005
I just got around to finishing Conker: Live and Reloaded. I'm a big fan of the original Bad Fur Day, so this is a good game, but man Rare dropped the ball in many ways (yes, this is another blog where I take something that isn't all that bad and complain about it like it was the worst idea since Gizmondo).
Part of the problem is that it's five years later, and Rare is trying to pass Conker off as a current-gen game. The original Conker is a 9.5 game for me, definitely. It's not just about the movie parodies; Conker is a quite brilliant video game parody too. The entire game was Rare's rather vicious reaction to the stream of 3D platforming collectathons starring cute animal mascots that "Twelve Tails: Conker 64" was supposed to be a part of.
Thing is, I don't think the joke resonates anymore. Back then, that sort of platformer ruled the roost, especially on the N64. Now games like Tak and (sorry Gaz) Ty take a back seat. It's hard to appreciate the genre being mocked in levels like Barn Boys when it's simply not around anymore.
The gameplay is also stale in parts. Some things that cut it five years ago don't today. The latter part of the game is a shooter, and sports the full-on dual analog set-up needed for a shooting game. But the actual SHOOTING is extremely basic -- enemies don't really react to where they are shot, they're invincible for a split second after being hit, and if they get too close you've got a knife in the gut.
They've also tried to make it harder, which is a noble goal, but how they've pulled it off is lazy as hell. Rare have added this annoying new enemy that hides inside a metal shell. The shell has spikes that spring out on command. To kill it, you have to run up to it, hit it, and then run away. Now repeat it five times, because you need to hit it six times to kill it. Oh, and there's rarely just one around, so you've got to do it again, and again, and again. It's just sloppy and annoying.
Also sloppy: Loading. Load times in itself are minor. But every freaking little thing seems to prompt the LOADING... screen to come out of hiding. The most gratuitous was right at the end of the War chapter. First you have Conker and the General rambling on. Loading. Then a quick scene, less than ten seconds long, of Rodent in a crater. Loading. Then a quick scene of a couple of Tediz dying. Loading. More Tediz dying. Loading. Back to Conker and the General. The hell? Half of those cutscenes are the same length as the loading screen. What sort of payoff is that?
The weirdest thing is what they've done to Conker's multiplayer mode. On the N64 Conker had a variety of creative and really distinctive multiplayer games that just didn't work on the N64. There was Beach, where one team mans guns on a fortress trying to stop an unarmed team from getting past them. It was fresh and unique, and there was a good deal of strategy. But it's the sort of thing that doesn't work in split-screen, which is all the N64 had (how do you sneak past someone when they know perfectly well where you are?). There were also modes like Raptor, where a team of cavemen had to steal raptor eggs from under the dinosaur's noses, Race, Tank, a Resevoir Dogs-inspired bank vault Heist, and so on. They were basic fun, but the main feeling you got was how they'd totally work on a more powerful console with more players online (where nobody can see your damned screen!). Yet for some utterly bizarre reason Rare ditched that entirely and created a new multiplayer mode from scratch. I'm convinced that an entirely different team worked on this, given the total difference in style (what's with this Future War nonsense?) and form. It's also totally broken, which Patrick can tell you about better than I can.
Still, I have to give credit where it's due. Conker in single player at least is still Conker, which is a great game. Get past the bowel jokes and you'll see that it's fresh and creative, always giving you something different to do. And I have to say that my favourite chapter in the original, Spooky, has been improved the most. It's been given a total visual makeover and the difficulty has been bumped up, so bravo for that.
I can't help but think though: Conker's Bad Fur Day took a few years to make. It's taken four years from that to get to Conker Live and Reloaded. Was that really necessary? Surely they could have come up with an entirely original Conker title by now?
Posted at 9:21 AM
